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Is Divorce Really the Right Choice for You?
Divorce is common enough in today’s world that many people tend to take the idea quite casually—particularly when it is happening to someone else. Take the 2011 Steve Carell movie Crazy Stupid Love, for example, where the main character’s friends and colleagues celebrate the fact that he is getting divorced and does not, in fact, have cancer as they suspected. This casual approach to divorce encourages the belief that when a marriage experiences trouble, it is easier to end the relationship than to fix the problems. However, people may want to take a step back and make sure divorce is the right choice for them before making the decision to end their marriage.
Illinois Divorce Law
According to the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act, the court will enter a judgment of divorce if “irreconcilable differences have caused the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage," that attempts at reconciliation have failed, and that additional efforts to save the marriage are not reasonable or would not serve the best interests of the family.
Temporary Orders in an Illinois Divorce
If you have decided to divorce or are considering ending your marriage, you are probably concerned about several things. If you have children, you have probably wondered what the custody and visitation (officially called allocation of parental responsibility and parenting time, respectively) schedule will look like. You may also wonder which spouse will stay in the marital home or keep the family car. Each person’s divorce will be different, but for many, a temporary order can address many of these concerns before the final divorce decree is entered by the court.
When a Temporary Order Is Beneficial
Illinois divorces can last months or even years—especially if the case goes to litigation. During this period of time, many couples still have to manage shared parenting, property division, and their new financial state. Spouses living apart from each other may need financial assistance in the form of spousal maintenance or child support. Temporary orders can provide legally-enforceable guidelines for spouses to follow until the final divorce order is handed down by the court. If you and your soon-to-be-ex-spouse are able to come to an agreement regarding issues of property and custody, you may not need a formal temporary order. However, it is important to make sure and get any agreement between you and your spouse in writing in order to help prevent problems with noncompliance in the future.
The Debate over Divorce Parties
For centuries, the mere idea of divorce was viewed largely as taboo in most cultures. At the very least, there was a social stigma that was long associated with a couple choosing to end their marriage. A couple who could not save their marriage were often portrayed as failures or, in certain circles, even immoral. While such attitudes may still exist in some communities, most Western societies have accepted the concept of divorce as a part of life.
One good indicator of this trend is the growing popularity of so-called “divorce parties.” A divorce party is exactly what the name implies—a social event that is put on to celebrate the end of a particular couple’s marriage. Event planners and MCs throughout the United States have started promoting their services as available for divorce parties, which are purported to help the newly-divorced get a fresh start on their new life.
Who Hosts Divorce Parties?
It is understandable that a spouse who has been trapped in an unhealthy marriage may be inclined to celebrate a little—ostensibly out of relief—following his or her divorce. However, there are also couples who wish to throw a combined divorce party. Several years ago, the New York Times ran a story about a wealthy couple who invited 100 guests to mark the occasion of their impending divorce and to thank their friends and loved ones for their support over the years.
Study Suggests a Flashy Wedding Could Increase Divorce Risk
Your wedding day is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. On that day, you and your new spouse will be legally joined so that you can begin building the rest of your lives together. Most people spend their wedding day surrounded by family, friends, and other well-wishers, and the costs associated with the event can be astronomical. A new study suggests, however, that the those who spend a great deal of money on their wedding may be more likely to get divorced than those who spend relatively less.
A Look at the Numbers
According to the Wedding Report, a market research firm, American couples spent $56.2 billion on their weddings last year. That amount is more than the gross domestic product (GDP) of about half of the countries in the world. When averaged over the 2.2 million marriages that took place in 2017, the numbers show that the average American wedding costs about $26,000.
For most couples, the largest expense is food, at an average cost of about $4,700. Renting a location and the engagement ring are the next largest, on average, at $3,600 and $3,400 respectively. Add in the costs of photography, drinks, flowers, dresses, tuxedos, invitations, and gifts for guests and the total bill can be staggering.
What is Considered an Irreconcilable Breakdown With Regard to Dissipation?
Needless to say, emotions can run high during a divorce. While some couples are able to end their marriages cooperatively and cordially, other marriages have much more dramatic endings. When one spouse is vengeful or resentful of the other, he or she may use certain tactics to get what he or she wants or to hurt the other spouse. Wasting assets is one of these tactics. When a spouse purposely spends marital property recklessly during the end of a marriage, he or she is guilty of something called dissipation.
Dissipation Defined
In Illinois, dissipation is defined as “the use of marital property for the sole benefit of one of the spouses for a purpose unrelated to the marriage at a time that the marriage is undergoing an irreconcilable breakdown”. “Irreconcilable breakdown” means that the marriage has come to the “beginning of the end.” In other words, the couple is no longer attempting to save the marriage or working toward any reconciliation.
How a Parenting Agreement Can Help You Better Co-Parent After Divorce
When a married couple starts to consider divorce, often one of their main concerns is that the divorce will negatively affect the children. This worry is understandable considering divorce will dramatically change the family dynamics and living arrangements. The good news is that you do not have to go into a post-divorce life blind. There are many resources to help you and your soon-to-be-ex-spouse create a parenting agreement or plan which will keep you on the same page about raising your children as divorcees.
Parenting Plans Allow Divorcing Parents to Agree on Child-Rearing Decisions Proactively
In Illinois, divorcing parents who wish to share custody of their children are required to create and submit a parenting plan to the court. The state-mandated requirements for this plan are minimal and experts suggest including more in the agreement than just the bare minimum. Every divorced couple’s parenting agreement will look differently because every family has different needs and challenges. Some couples feel comfortable outlining only a few aspects of how their children will be parented, while others include thorough information about specifics in their parenting plan.
Does Sole Custody Still Exist in Illinois?
Parents who recently gotten divorced or broken up are often left facing difficult decisions when it comes to how to make arrangements for raising their children. In recent years, changes to the law in Illinois have led to a more intense focus on cooperative parenting plans. Cooperative parenting—or co-parenting—may work perfectly fine in most situations, but there may be cases where one parent feels that he or she should have sole authority for making important decisions regarding their child. While the law no longer uses the term “sole custody,” Illinois courts do have the authority to give one parent sole decision-making responsibility if necessary.
Updated Language
Prior to 2016, Illinois law provided for two different types of child custody arrangements: joint custody and sole custody. Both of these referred to “legal custody,” which was the authority to make choices regarding the life of the child and his or her upbringing. Parents who shared joint custody were responsible for making important decisions together, while a parent with sole custody could make decisions without consulting the non-custodial parent.
What Is Marital Property?
In some states, divorcing spouses are entitled to an equal share of their “community property.” This, however, is not the case in Illinois. Illinois and 40 other states are considered “equitable distribution” states, which means that the marital property of a divorcing couple must be divided fairly between the spouses, not necessarily equally. While determining what is fair can be quite complicated, the process begins with identifying what property is considered marital and what is considered non-marital for the purposes of the divorce.
Illinois Law
Most of the statutes that govern the divorce process in Illinois are contained in the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act (IMDMA). The IMDMA expressly defines marital property as “all property, including debts and other obligations, acquired by either spouse subsequent to the marriage” with several important exceptions. These exceptions include but are not limited to:
Co-Parenting Strategies for Divorced Parents
If you are a parent who is considering divorce, you are most likely concerned about how the divorce will affect your child. While divorce can be a difficult concept for a child to understand and accept, there is nothing that says a child living with divorced parents will automatically be less fulfilled or content in life than a child whose parents are still married. There are several methods that parents can use to share custody of their children after a divorce which do not decrease the quality of the parent-child relationship.
Traditional Two-House Arrangement
The most common arrangement after parents divorce is for one parent to stay in the family home and the other to move out. Sometimes both parents move out of the family home and establish themselves as a single people elsewhere. Parents can share parental responsibilities (formerly called custody) and parenting time (visitation) by creating a schedule which works with their particular circumstances. Some families find that an every-other weekend visitation schedule is best while others prefer closer to fifty-fifty when it comes to parenting time.
Collaborative Divorce as an Alternative to Litigation
Many individuals getting a divorce want the process to run as smoothly and quickly as possible. For some, this means that they want to avoid court. Litigation in a courtroom can be expensive, time-consuming, and stressful. Collaborative law is a method of problem-solving which is available to some divorcing couples. Through the collaborative law process, divorcing couples have the opportunity to exert much more control over the final divorce decree than they would have otherwise.
How Does Collaborative Law Work?
Collaborative law is one way to resolve disagreements between divorcing individuals outside of the courtroom. Those engaging in a collaborative law divorce should be focused on working with their soon-to-be-ex-spouse instead of fighting against him or her. Collaborative law is not without its requirements and rules. In order to proceed with a collaborative divorce, each spouse must retain his or her own attorney, who must be trained and certified in collaborative law. The attorneys help the parties understand their options and choose the best course of action for their unique circumstance. Another rule for collaborative law is that neither spouse may go to court. If the couple finds it necessary to go through traditional courtroom litigation, the collaborative law process ends and the attorneys involved in the collaboration are disallowed from further involvement in the case.

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