Pesce Law Group, P.C.


Naperville | Oak Brook | Burr Ridge | Lake Forest | St. Charles

Tips to Keep in Mind When Asking Your Spouse for a Divorce

 Posted on February 29, 2016 in Divorce

Naperville family law attorney, divorceDivorce can be a touchy subject. If you are considering a divorce, you are likely nervous about how to bring up the subject with your spouse. Asking for a divorce can be one of the most challenging things you will ever do in your life, so it is important that you proceed with caution. The goal should be to discuss the subject openly and honestly, and prepare yourselves for an amicable divorce process. While asking your spouse for a divorce may be difficult at the time, it may be the first step to bringing both of you greater happiness in life. Recently, a few marriage and divorce experts from across the country shared some dos and don’ts to keep in mind when broaching the subject of divorce with your spouse.

Pick a Good Time

Marriage and divorce specialists say that choosing an ideal time to have the divorce discussion with your spouse is extremely important. Pick a time where both of you can talk, uninterrupted and free from distractions. Turn your phones off, make other arrangements for the kids, and allow yourselves space to have an honest conversation. Avoid casually dropping that you would like a divorce. All too often, one spouse will say they want a divorce during an argument or another tense situation, and this only sets the stage for further conflict during the process.

Experts recommend talking during the daytime. Having a serious conversation like this after a long day at work, when both you and your spouse are tired, will affect your abilities to listen. You want to choose a time where both of you have the energy and patience to hear each other out with respect and understanding.

Try to Keep Things Amicable

How you initially bring up your divorce can impact how the rest of your divorce process pans out. If you start by being antagonistic, that is likely what you will deal with until your divorce is finalized and beyond. Instead, speak with empathy, and start soft. Try using ‘I’ statements such as “I can not do this anymore,” or “I have not felt good about our relationship for a while.” Ask your spouse how they are feeling, and if they believe divorce is a good idea. If they agree you will know you are both on the same page, and can move forward confidently. If not, consider seeking counseling or another source of outside help for further guidance.

Stay Away from Blaming Each Other

While you may have some unresolved feelings towards your spouse and your marriage, the initial divorce conversation is not the time to let them out. Again, this will only open the door to more conflict. Instead, take responsibility for your own actions, and any part you may have played in the weakening of your marriage, and hopefully your spouse will do the same.

Seek Outside Help If Necessary

In some situations, outside help may be necessary when bringing up divorce with your ex. Many people bring up their request for divorce during a marriage counseling session. Marriage counseling or a couples therapy appointment may not seem like the ideal time to bring up the subject, but you will be with a neutral third party in case help is needed. A therapist can help you and your spouse cope with your feelings and start focusing on a brighter future.

There may also be some circumstances where requesting a divorce in person is not possible. If you are worried about your own personal safety, or your spouse has a history of emotional or physical abuse, it may be best to request a divorce from a distance. In this case, your attorney can help you present your spouse with papers requesting divorce. Divorce specialists also say you can consider writing your own letter, which does have its benefits. You are allowed plenty of time to think carefully and thoughtfully about what you write.

Either before or immediately after you request a divorce, you should seek the help of a qualified Naperville, IL divorce attorney. The skilled team at Pesce Law Group, P.C., is available to assist you with your divorce today. We will work efficiently and effectively to ensure a beneficial outcome for you and your children. We also offer mediative and collaborative divorce strategies to keep the process as amicable as possible. Call 630-352-2240 today to schedule your consultation with us.


Share this post:
Back to Top