Should We Talk to Our Grandkids About Our Divorce?

 Posted on May 27, 2025 in Divorce

If you and your spouse are divorcing later in life, you might wonder how to explain it to your grandchildren, especially if they are old enough to sense that something has changed. In communities like Naperville, where many extended families live close together or stay connected through regular visits, grandparents often play an important role in their grandchildren’s lives. That can make it difficult to simply "not say anything." But is it helpful — or even appropriate — to talk to your grandchildren about your divorce?

As of May 2025, Illinois family law continues to treat divorce between spouses over 50 the same as any other divorce, legally speaking. But socially and emotionally, the impact can be very different, especially when it ripples through a tight-knit family. While children are often the central focus in a divorce, adult children and grandchildren can be deeply affected, too. Here, our Illinois divorce attorneys consider whether and when to discuss your divorce with family members. You can also read further about grandparents and visitation rights. 

Whether or Not to Say Something About Your Divorce to Your Family

There is no law about how grandparents should explain divorce to their grandchildren, but your family’s dynamics and the age of the children matter. For example:

• Very young grandchildren may not notice the change at all, or they may be confused by practical things, like no longer seeing both grandparents at once.

• Older children and teens may already sense tension and benefit from hearing a version of the truth that is honest but age-appropriate.

• Parents of young children may want to be the only people to discuss divorce so they can focus on their own values and avoid scaring young children about divorce. 

If you and your spouse have a cordial relationship, it is best to agree on what, if anything, to say. Discussing what you would say to your grandchildren with the children’s parents may also be an appropriate step. 

However and whenever you decide to have the conversation, avoid assigning blame or sharing adult details. Instead, focus on reassurance. Let the grandchildren know that you both love them and that the divorce does not affect your relationship with them.

When Is It Better to Keep Your Divorce Details to Yourself?

In families where one parent is dealing with anger, estrangement, or hostility, it might not be wise to initiate a conversation with grandchildren, especially if they are minors. Their parents (your adult children) may have their own way of addressing the situation and contradicting that can make things harder. If in doubt, consider speaking with your adult child first. Make it clear that your goal is to support the grandchildren, not to use them to process your own pain.

Should You Consult a Lawyer Before Talking About Your Divorce?

Talking to your grandchildren about your divorce might seem like a personal choice, but it could intersect with legal concerns, particularly if your relationship with one parent is strained or if custody arrangements for the grandchildren are involved. 

A knowledgeable family lawyer can help you understand your rights, including any future impact this might have on family dynamics, inheritance planning, or grandparent visitation rights if relationships deteriorate.

Talk to a DuPage County, IL Family Law Attorney

Even if your divorce seems amicable now, having a clear legal plan can help prevent misunderstandings with your adult children or grandchildren down the line. To speak with a compassionate Naperville, IL family lawyer about your concerns, contact Pesce Law Group, P.C. at 630-352-2240 for a free consultation. We can help you think through the emotional and legal issues involved in a divorce later in life.