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Staying Together for the Kids May Not Be Beneficial

Posted on in Divorce

divorce, children, Naperville divorce attorneyOne of the biggest concerns couples face when deciding to divorce or not is their children. No loving parent wants to break up their family, and most parents considering divorce worry about the potential negative impacts divorce can have on their children. Will divorce ruin my children’s lives? Will they ever know what love is? Will they be okay splitting time between two homes? In response to these fears, parents in unhappy marriages often choose to stay together for the sake of their children. The reality, however, is that an unhappy home is more damaging for your children than the brief pain of divorce followed by happiness. Divorce, in many cases, is the best choice for your children.

Modeling an Unhappy Relationship

While breaking the news of divorce to children is never easy, and many families struggle through the divorce process and lifestyle change afterwards, choosing to stay together for your children’s sake can be vastly more damaging. If you and your spouse stay married, but fill your home with conflict, that is the picture of marriage you are imprinting on your children. As children grow up, they learn how to model their own relationships based on the relationships they see around them. Children learn what love means by how they are treated, and how they see others in love treat each other. Do you want to model a healthy, loving relationship to your children, or one filled with negativity and conflict? Staying together may keep your family together, but if your marriage is unhealthy, you are teaching your children to accept the same in their lives.

When Is Separating the Right Choice?

For parents concerned about their children’s happiness and well-being, deciding to divorce is difficult. If your marriage is in trouble, relationship specialists recommend searching for every possible solution to mend your problems. Seek the help of a therapist or couples' counselor. If addiction is a problem, seek treatment. If infidelity has occurred, find ways to recover and strengthen your relationship. Only after you have tried to save your marriage can you determine if divorce is right for you. If no solution is possible, or if marital problems persist, the choice to separate will feel easier.

Healthier Children

Whether your children have witnessed your marital problems or not, children are able to pick up emotions at home. If there is conflict, tension, or any issue between you and your spouse, your children will likely detect it. They can tell how each parent is feeling, and how mom and dad feel each day impacts how the children feel. Negativity or unhappiness in your home can affect your children constantly until changes are made. They bring those emotions with them to school, to their after school sports and activities, and to their relationships. Most importantly, children in an unhappy home often feel badly about themselves. Kids in conflicted households often feel they are to blame for the problems. Leaving an unhappy marriage, while difficult, will reassure your children that they are not to blame for your problems, and will teach them to respect themselves.

When you break the news of your divorce, things may be tense for a while. Specialists say children often experience anger, sadness, and fear, among a host of other emotions. Surprisingly, however, many children say they feel relieved. Of course, adjusting to co-parenting and separate homes is often a challenging transition, but making the difficult decision to leave your marriage can help you raise your children into caring, self respecting adults capable of great relationships of their own.

Attorneys You Can Trust

At Pesce Law Group, P.C., we provide a number of effective divorce solutions to fit your family’s needs. We offer collaborative and mediative divorce options, which are often cost-effective and beneficial for divorcing parents. Our experienced Naperville divorce attorneys will work closely with you to ensure the best possible divorce outcome for you and your children. Call 630-352-2240 to learn more about how we can help your family.


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