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Are You Ready for Post-Divorce Dating?

 Posted on September 30, 2015 in Divorce

b2ap3_thumbnail_dating-divorce-illinois.jpgGoing through a divorce can be an emotional, life changing process. Splitting from the person you believed you would be happily for ever after with is never easy. Whether you were married for two years, 10 years, or 20 years, separating from the person you thought to be “the one” is devastating. It can take serious time to heal the scars and emotional damage you may have experienced during your divorce. For most people, however, the damage does fade away, and the time comes to explore dating new people. How do you know when you are ready to date again? A quick search online can bring up millions of self-help articles, post-divorce dating tips, and long lists of right and wrong strategies. While these articles may help prepare you for the world of dating, a world that may have vastly changed since the last time you experienced it, there is really only one true way to prepare yourself for post divorce dating. Take time to get to know yourself first.

Do Not Rush

You may feel like your life is upside down after your divorce. Pledging your love and committing to another person, only to end up splitting up, may leave you with a bevy of intense emotions. The bottom line is that divorce is an extremely traumatic experience. Most people are reluctant to change, and divorce is just about the biggest life change one can go through. You may feel confused, upset, and be completely questioning yourself. While you may start to feel the need for affection from another person again, you are not yet emotionally ready to start dating. Do not feel the need to rush into anything. The most successful post divorce relationships involve two people who have taken the time to sort through the emotions of their past divorce, and have moved on from them. Many people rush into post divorce dating too quickly. Spend some time with you before moving into the dating world.

Get to Know Yourself

Before dating again, spend some quality time with yourself. Consider taking a vacation, picking up a new hobby, or simply spending quiet, quality time alone. Your goal is to learn about yourself. So many people get completely wrapped up in their marriages that, post-divorce, they have no idea what they want out of life anymore. Decide what your future goals are. Make new friends. Spend time with family. Find a different job. Establish yourself as the person you would now like to be, not the person you were in your unhappy marriage. Once you get comfortable in your new, improved life, you can start exploring what you would like out of a date or potential partner.

Too many people begin dating with a long list of things they do not want in their future partner. They bring with them all the negative energy of their past divorce, and typically end in failure. Rather than compiling a list of everything you hated about your ex, and everything you are trying to avoid in another person, think about the qualities you do desire. To do this, think seriously about what went wrong in your past relationship. What did you want out of your marriage that you did not get? What was missing from your partner? It may be difficult, but thoroughly examine and process your last relationship. This process will help you let go of that emotional baggage, and help you focus more clearly on the things you want out of your life, and out of a future partner. How can you be expected to move on to a new relationship if you are not able to let go of the past, and move forward with a clear vision of the characteristics you do want out of a new relationship? You must know what you want before finding someone to help you achieve that.

Your ultimate goal here is to find somebody who knows you as well as you know yourself. You cannot meet that person if you do not truly take the time to explore yourself and your needs. Only when you are truly comfortable with yourself, and fully aware of what you want out of a future partner, will you be ready to date again. Construct in your mind a new version of your happily ever after, and then search for another person that can help you create that. It will happen, if you invest some time in yourself first.

As stated above, divorce can be an extremely traumatic process, and one that requires support. Having the a qualified Naperville divorce attorney on your side can make a huge difference. Contact the Pesce Law Group today at 630-352-2240 to learn more today.


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