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Things Parents Should Avoid During and After Their Divorce

 Posted on August 25, 2016 in Divorce

Naperville divorce attorneyMany parents fear the effects their divorce will have on their children. Breaking up a family is a difficult decision and one that certainly should not be taken lightly. That said, if you are considering divorce, it is important to know that your children will get through your divorce. In fact, in many situations, divorce is the best option for the kids. Studies show that children are more affected by parental conflict than they are by divorce. There are, however, some things that divorcing parents should avoid doing to ensure they do not hurt their children during and after the divorce process. Divorce is often challenging, and it can be difficult to remember to put our children above ourselves. Remember that despite any pain and emotional hardship you are facing, you still have the chance to maintain a loving and healthy relationship with your children. If you are divorcing or already separated with kids, be sure to avoid these common divorced parenting mistakes:

Using Your Kids As Emotional Support

It can be easy to use your children as emotional support through a difficult divorce. Avoid doing this, however. While your children do likely feel bad for you (if they are old enough to grasp what divorce means) they are also dealing with their own emotions, and it is not healthy to lean on them for support. Instead, call on close friends or family who can offer support while you recover.

Asking Your Children to Be Messengers or Spies

Your children are not mature enough to handle complicated adult conversations. If you are co-parenting, your kids will be spending time at each parent’s house. While you may find yourself tempted to ask your kids to spy on your ex, avoid doing so. Additionally, do not use your children as messengers between each parent. Your children deserve the chance to have healthy relationships with both parents, and embroiling them in the middle of your divorce will only hurt those chances. Instead, let your children live their own lives.

Putting Down Your Ex

Again, your children should be able to love and respect both of their parents. The more either one of you speaks badly the other, the harder it will be for your kids to have strong relationships with you. Your children should not feel like they have to choose one parent over the other because you have pitted them against your ex, or vice versa.

Skipping Holidays And Important Life Events

All too often, one parent skips out on important milestones and family traditions because they cannot be in the same room as their ex. It is important to remember that holidays and important events in your children’s lives are about them, not you and your ex. Your children want your attention and love, so it is best to be present whenever possible. Also, be sure to avoid any conflict between you and your ex during these events.

Find Help If Needed

Your children want both of their parents to be happy. Taking some time to heal after your divorce is expected, but if you find yourself unable to move on after a reasonable period of time, consider seeking professional help. If you stay stuck in the past, you risk stunting the development of your kids. Letting go of any past resentment and negativity will help you move forward as the best parent you can be.

If you are considering divorce, you need to first consult an experienced DuPage County divorce attorney. At Pesce Law Group, P.C., we understand divorcing with children can be challenging, and we will do whatever we can to ensure the protection of your family throughout the process. Call 630-352-2240 to set up an initial complimentary consultation with a knowledgeable attorney to learn more about the Illinois divorce process and the options you have.


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