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Marriage Mistakes That Could Lead You to Divorce

 Posted on December 10, 2015 in Divorce

divorce, reasons for divorce, Naperville Family Law AttorneyPeople get divorced for a variety of reasons. Often, an extramarital affair or breach of trust is at the center of a divorce, but there are many other ways couples can strain their relationship. While cheating and lying are two surefire ways to hurt your marriage, and potentially lead you to divorce, there are many other ways you may be doing damage, sometimes even unknowingly. Below are a few mistakes that are often catalysts for divorce, and tips on how you can avoid making them.

1. You Confide in Other People

Having relationships outside your marriage is necessary and healthy. Trouble starts, however, if you start emotionally confiding in people besides your spouse. Your spouse should be the person you turn to for almost anything, so opening up to outsiders will likely leave your spouse feeling betrayed.

Be sure that despite the friends and other family members you are close with, your spouse feels like you open up to him or her the most. Maintaining friendships is important, but the moment you and a friend share a connection greater than one you share with your spouse, something is wrong. If your spouse notices, they will feel like they are not the most important person in your life anymore. Be especially cautious of confiding in someone you are attracted to. Not only will this make your spouse even more nervous, but if you are attracted to your confidante, you are on a slippery slope that could easily become an affair.

2. Your Focus Too Much on your Children

Of course, any shared children should be the number one priority of both you and your spouse. Many people, however, report that one spouse focusing too much on the children can put a strain on a marriage. You may think that focusing primarily on your children will strengthen your relationship, but it can often leave your partner feeling like they are not a priority anymore. Marriage experts say this is a common trouble issue for couples. They say that while the intentions are good, focusing too much on the kids can leave your partner feeling left out. “You and your spouse end up becoming strangers who pass each other in the hallway and passion and connection withers and dies,” says one marriage expert. “You may love each other but you are not ‘in love’ anymore largely because you have neglected the relationship without even realizing it.”

To combat this, try setting aside some time and energy to focus on your spouse. Remind them that no matter how busy and complicated your lives become, he or she are still the most important person in your life. This can be difficult, especially for busy parents trying to do it all, but the consequences of not trying could be much worse.

3. You Engage in Financial Infidelity

People often think that infidelity is all about cheating on your spouse or having an affair. In reality, there are many other ways you can cheat on your partner and your marriage, one of the most common being with money. Marriage and divorce experts see marriages break up over financial problems all the time. Nearly 20 percent of marriages end over money matters. Financial infidelity can come in a variety of forms; secret bank accounts, hidden debts, gambling addictions, and bad shopping habits are a few of the most common. While financial infidelity can lead to serious consequences for you and your spouse, like having your spouse be forced to pay off debt you accumulated secretly, it is often not the money itself that causes problems. Keeping secret bank accounts or spending habits away from your spouse damages the trust of your relationship. If your partner feels you are cheating with money, they will likely worry that you are more inclined to damage your relationship in other ways.

The best plan of action is being honest and transparent with your spouse. Both you and your spouse should be aware of your family’s finances, and both of you should make important decisions together regarding your money. If you have already engaged in financial infidelity, simply having a conversation with your spouse will be much better than having them find out later.

4. You are Stuck on Your Smartphone

While a little screen time never hurt anybody, if you are constantly focused on your smartphone, your partner will start to notice. If you and your spouse are spending quality time together, and you are constantly on your phone, you are sending a message to your spouse; you would rather be on your phone than spending time with them. This is a common problem for married couples, marriage experts say. “Everyone needs downtime and these activities help us decompress but they become troublesome when they are substitutes for meaningful interaction with your spouse,” writes one expert. “Ask yourself: Am I spending more time perusing social media than talking to my spouse?” If the answer is yes, fix the problem. Show your spouse that you are dedicated to spending time with them by turning off your phone and being present.

5. You Badmouth Your Spouse

Joking with friends can seem like it is all in good fun, but if you start bashing your spouse when they are not around, you have a problem. Poking fun at your husband or wife can seem harmless, but each time you share something about your private relationship, a small bit of trust between you and your spouse erodes. As a rule of thumb, never do or say anything in public that you would not if your spouse was with you. Even if your spouse never finds out about it, talking behind each other’s back can make you and your spouse feel different and cold towards each other.

Strong marriages are centered around love and trust. If you ensure that both you and your partner are getting the love, respect, and attention each other needs, you are well on your way to a happy lifetime of marriage.

If you believe you are headed towards divorce, or are already in the middle of one, you need the help of a qualified Naperville divorce attorney. The experienced team at Pesce Law Group, P.C. has worked on a wide variety of divorce related cases and is available to assist you today. Contact us at 630-352-2240 to schedule a consultation with an attorney immediately.


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