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When Co-Parenting, Consistency is Key

 Posted on March 08, 2016 in Child Custody

co-parenting, Naperville family law attorneyAdjusting to life as a co-parent can be challenging. While you and your spouse were once a united parenting front, you will now need to employ patience and cooperation while parenting with your ex whose parenting style may differ greatly from yours. It can be troubling to watch your children be influenced by a parent whose values do not match yours, but what can be done? Consistency is the key to good co-parenting, and makes the divorce adjustment process much easier on children as well. Talk to your spouse about the importance of consistency as you two move forward as co-parents in the wake of your divorce.

Why Is Consistency Important?

Consistency allows for the smoothest divorce transition possible. Co-parents are encouraged to maintain the same routines, household rules, and habits that they previously established in their shared household. This makes the divorce process much easier on the children, who can become easily confused if rules at mom’s house are different than the rule’s at dads house. In a difficult time of transition, like divorce, children need consistency to provide some sense of normalcy.

Both children and parents can be affected by inconsistency in parenting. If both parents cannot agree on important issues like eating habits, after school sports, and curfews, children will not know how to behave. Both co-parents will only continue to upset each other, and nobody wins. Additionally, older children are likely to pick up on the tension between their parents and use it to their advantage. Sensing the conflict, they may attempt to pit one parent against the other in an attempt to get what they want. This only leads to less effective parenting from both parents.

Talk to Your Co-Parent

If your child returns from a stay with their other parent and you notice new behaviors or habits you do not approve of, you may be inclined to blame your ex. While you may disagree with their parenting style, the best action is to request a conversation rather than place blame. Instead of pointing fingers, educate your ex on the benefits of consistent co-parenting. Let them know that consistency will simplify the parenting process for the both of you, and will also help you parent in the most effective way possible. Remind your co-parent that, as children get older, they will come to appreciate the values their parents hold.

Do Not Panic

Children are resilient. If your co-parent is unwilling to change, continue to do your best. Rather than dwelling on the issue, which will only lead to further tension between you and your ex, trust that your children will adapt. While the time immediately following your divorce may be tough on your children, in time they will adjust to two different parenting styles. What you can do is remind your children of your values each time they are in your care, and hope that, as they leave, they will maintain them.

A Qualified Family Lawyer Can Help

If you believe you are headed for divorce, or are struggling with a co-parent, the skilled attorneys at Pesce Law Group, P.C. can help. Our team has years of combined experience handling a variety of divorce and family law cases and employ effective methods to ensure beneficial outcomes. Divorce and family law matters can be complicated, but you do not need to struggle alone. Call 630-352-2240 to speak to an experienced Naperville family law attorney today.


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